Continuing the quest to find the nation’s finest Dagwood Dog, I returned to the pits of Sydney’s Valvolene Raceway on the night of the annual Smash-up Derby. It turns out these legends yearn all racing season to hook up a Port-a-Loo to a caravan, then to the back of a clapped-out Commodore, a Ford or whatever moves when you stick petrol in it. Then they fang it like it’s stolen till the wheels either buckle under pressure or the chassis splits in two from too much metal-on-metal pounding. The last car moving takes the prize, the trophy and the glory of being the Derby King… or in this year’s case – the Derby Queen!

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